If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
