Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
