I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
