Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
