Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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