hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
