All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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