She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
