So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
