my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
