WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
