so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
