Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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