god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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