Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
