Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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