So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
