We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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