Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
