Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
