you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
