FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
