The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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