"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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