Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
