He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're making bets on your personal life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
