He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
