you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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