I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
