Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
