Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
