from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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