Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
