so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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