Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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