He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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