I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
