So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
