You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
