Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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