Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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