so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
