Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
