I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
