I wish I only lived at night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
