Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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