oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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