I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
