so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
