After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
